Thursday, December 27, 2007

Knock me over with a feather.

Based on my previous few cycles, I was anticipating ovulating this cycle somewhere around 1/9, which would be CD28. And I had ultrasounds scheduled for CD15, 20 and 25 to take a look and see how my follicle(s) were developing, my lining, that kind of stuff. I haven't been temping or OPKing or anything, I figured that the u/s would tell me what I needed to know and I didn't need to bother being anal. Starting monday, though, I was getting a fair bit of EW so I thought I'd do some OPKs, just in case. Tuesday's was negative as expected. I was absolutely convinced I still had two weeks to go. But, when I tested on Wednesday, I got a postive. And not just any old positive, the most positive positive I've ever seen. The test line was markedly darker than the control line which has never happened before. ON CD14!!!! Which means if I follow my usual pattern, I will actually O tomorrow. CD16. NORMAL!

One can never know why these things happen, of course, but I'm wondering if it has anything to do with the fact that my ass has not gotten to the gym at all in the past three weeks. I usually lift weights 2x/week, but haven't managed what with the snow and babysitter illness and all. Perhaps my system really is that sensitive???

Saturday, December 22, 2007


I had my hysteroscopy on Thursday. I was imagining three possible outcomes: no polyp at all, a small one that could be removed then and there, or a larger one that we'd need to schedule another surgery for. I was fully prepared for option 3 given the general cussedness of the universe. Because I was expecting that, when they got the scope in there and there was nothing except a perfect uterus and tubes, I was totally astonished! The doctor said that what was on the HSG was just an artifact - which is why they do the HSC to confirm. What a nice surprise!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

The bitch is in the house.

The crimson bitch showed up on Thursday, 17dpo. It really is amazing what progesterone does to my LP - to go from 7/8 days to 17 with one little yellow thing pushed up my clacker each night is really pretty impressive.

I have my HSC scheduled for Thursday, where we'll get a better idea of whether I really do have a polyp and what we might do about it (I am so hoping that it can just be removed then and there and I don't have to schedule a separate surgery for it).

Then the following Thursday I have my first u/s to see how my follicle is growing, and whether the fact that I don't ovulate until ~CD28 is okay because my system is just getting a late start, or if it's not okay because really my follicle is growing perfectly well but just marinating in its own juices for two extra weeks. It seems like the former is perfectly fine in terms of egg quality, whereas the latter - not so much.

In the meantime, it turns out that the new insurance I have through M (his company got bought out in July of this year) covers infertility treatments at 70%, but only if you go to one of their "centers of excellence". Which my current clinic is not. So I have to figure out A) if it really is worth it for me to try clomid, B) if clomid and the associated monitoring are considered "infertility treatment", and C) if the new clinic will even see me given that I am actually cycling and haven't been trying for the requisite amount of time. A very wise woman I was talking to about this suggested that cycles > 35 days are NOT normal and should definitely qualify for treatment before the one year period is up - I think it's a good argument, but that doesn't always mean that the bureaucrats will agree!

I finally spoke to my sister this past Friday, and I called her, not the other way 'round. She didn't ask about me at all (I was calling to say that I didn't think it was going to work for us to look after my niece this weekend). She did call me back and leave a message a few minutes later admitting that she was a bad sister because she hadn't mentioned anything. I didn't catch her when I called the next time, but left a message saying that it wasn't good news, and that she should call me. I ended up calling her later in the evening when I hadn't heard anything, and we talked for all of five minutes, because she had to go and put her new baby down. I was practically in tears while talking to her - mostly because I'm sad that despite my hopes to the contrary, we are going through (as Emma aptly termed it), infertility 2.0. I get that it wasn't a good time for her to talk. What I don't get is why she couldn't fucking call me back. It is making me really sad, because I can guarantee you that if our roles were reversed, I would have made a lot more time for her than that.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Apricot white chip cookies (updated)!

I'm a little late for Jenn's second annual cookie exchange - but I figured better late than never. I actually made these for the first time tonight, absolutely delish. Tonight was my second attempt, so I thought I would update the recipe with the changes (and added picture so I'd get Jenn's extra special bonus points!).

2 1/2c all purpose flour (9oz, 360g) (or use half whole wheat white flour)
3/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
3/4c butter, softened (6oz, 240g)
1c packed light brown sugar (5oz, 200g)
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 egg
2c white chocolate chips (12oz, 500g)
1c chopped almonds (4oz, 150g)
1c apricot preserves (8oz, 300g)

Preheat oven to 350F (175C)
Toast the almonds until browned, once the oven is heated.
While the oven heats / almonds toast:
Cream the butter and sugar until smooth.
Mix flour, baking soda and salt in a separate bowl.
Beat the egg and vanilla into the creamed sugar.
Mix in the apricot preserves until incorporated
Stir in the flour mix until incorporated.
Add in white chips, almonds.
Drop dough by rounded teaspoons onto a cookie sheet (silicone etc. recommended!).
Bake for 10-15 minutes, until golden brown.

I also made a few without the white chocolate chips - a bit less sweet, but also a very nice combination. I love these cookies! Pretty quick to make, and absolutely divine!

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Definitely NOT something.

I went and bought a real test today, and it was the usual snowy white I am used to seeing. So perhaps there was an attempt at something, but it just didn't get very far.

I'm mostly okay. Hell, I get to get sloshed on NYE, that's a positive, right? I can drink a bottle of wine at Xmas, and at the parties we're going to next week. All good.

What I can't stop thinking about though is a comment my mom made to me when I told her a few months ago that we were trying again. The background for this is that she firmly believes that three years is the ideal separation for kids, and it took her a good long while to show any enthusisasm for my sister's latest pregnancy (a fucking "OOPS" pregnancy no less) where her kids are just over two years apart. I figured I would tell her that we were trying so hopefully she wouldn't be as shocked if we made an announcement. What she said to me was "I hope it doesn't happen too quickly".

She has gotten her wish. Not too quickly. *I* just wish she could be a little more supportive. First of all, I am three years older now than she was when she had my younger sister. And, given that we did not concieve quickly the first time, I would think she could say something like "I hope you don't have as much trouble as you did before!". But no.

And then there's my sister. I know that she doesn't get it because she had no trouble falling pregnant with her daughter, and clearly no trouble this time around. But still, I would like it if occasionally, just occasionally she would actually just call and ask how I'm doing. I called her yesterday to tell her about my faintest of faint lines - if the situation were reversed I can guarantee that I would have called her today to see if there was more news, either positive or negative. But have I heard from her? Not a peep. I don't really think that is a lot to ask.

I know that I am preaching to the choir here. Not that I would wish infertility on anyone, but in some ways I think that if everyone had to experience at least having to actually try for a few months before getting pregnant, that there would be a bit more sympathy and understanding out there. Especially from your own fucking family.

Something? Not something?

I finally O'ed this cycle on CD27 again. Gotta love a four week wait. And since I seem to acquire pimples that correspond with my follicle recruitment of which I appear to have three waves, I spend the majority of that four weeks slathering my face with all the zit creams I can lay my hands on. Lovely.

At 8 dpo I went for my followup appt with my RE. She did an u/s, which showed a nice triple stripe, 8mm thick lining, which she said was showing no signs of going anywhere anytime soon. Yay for progesterone! She agreed that we could give clomid a try (the hospital does not do aromatase inhibitors as the indication is not approved by the FDA), but the final diagnosis from my HSG was that I seem to have a polyp, so before any treatment they want to do an HSC and possibly surgery to remove it. Any thoughts on this? I'm not really a big fan of surgery if I don't need it. I did ask about whether she would want to do anything if I am in fact lucky enough to be pg, and she said no. So I'm not really sure why we'd need to do something if I'm not. Have to think on that.

I have a bunch of pg tests that I got with the OPKs I ordered online. I started testing at 9dpo, because I was feeling so many of the symptoms I had when pg with Ant. Cramping from 6-8 dpo, more tired while playing hockey, a bizarre dream, waking up totally sweaty (lovely, I know!). 9, 10 and 11 dpo tests were all negative. 12 dpo was too. But when I went back and looked at it a while later, there was the faintest of faint second lines! Something? Not something? Not really sure. I know the instructions say not to read it after ten minutes, but really, who listens to that? None of the tests from previous days had any inkling of a second line.

So I was somewhat hopeful. Today's test, though, was even lighter than yesterday's, if that is even possible. So I'm thinking this is a 'chemical' pg. Although on the other hand, my temp has been bouncing around 98 the past week and today went up to 98.6. I guess time will tell...